once again i have reach another cross road in my life. and once again im lost...

there are so many paths in front of me. but which one shld i choose? shld i continue down my current path or change to something else?

seriously the current life im having now is hitting me hard. esp after thinking what i will be required to do in future. now im seriously stressed out in thinking what i really want...

somehow i relly feel very sian about my current life and starting to get emo over it. damn. seriously now i donno what thing can motivate me again or make me happy. wish i can find one soon. coz im really very lost now...

something funny. now i know why some guys said that they want to find a girl-friend before they enter NS. and i mean some is really SOME. maybe one reason why some guys want or so desprately want to find a gf is coz so tat well maybe can whine to them when they hit a cross road like mine? but well i to be frank i doubt that its a solid reason. but it MIGHT juz be one of the few many possible reasons...
but oh well. for me. i guess i will juz still stick to the time and let it show whn its right...

for now. i feel like a caged bird flapping around in a small cage trying to break out of the cage any moment and any chance it has.

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-Small note to YOU: take care and pls have sufficient rest and not to overwork yourself and fall sick. any whining juz feel free to msg me or so by any means. juz a short message away. Good luck and all the best! =) -

ok now i have officially come to a point of dillusions in my head.

whether or not to continue down the commandos path. with some of my mates oso having this dillusions it have hit me too now.

I really wonder if i will be able to take it and continue the path. as some things that will happen in future i really do not know if i will be able to not fall out and complete the event. i am really now doubting my physical, and mental strength.
So far i have only barely brisk pass all the criteria to move on to the phase of commando training. i am now thinking how long more can i keep up doing this. i think at one point of time i will really not be able to meet the requirement to continue on.

seriously now all my motivations are all slowly disappearing and i do not know when my mind will just tell me to give up totally. it may happen anytime i suppose. and seriously im tired. both mentally and physically with all the non-stop training.. i really wish to have a good rest. but i cant..

now i can say im really stressed and not sure what i want. it really getting too physical and mentally demanding for me. what shld i do? feeling very stress now...

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What if i say...
What if i say...
What if i say...
What if i say...
What if...

finally a long rest for me.

been busy for the past few weeks due to lots of test to prepare for with the little time i have. even wkends were burned juz to study and prepared for the tests. damn

but oh wells guess it paid off now. manage to book out yesterday and booking in on mon night. so its a long weekend rest for me.

finally able to organize and clear up some of my things (desktop, laptop, blog, etc.) and of coz the slp that i can get to recover myself. where i can slp till late and not waking up at 5am everyday. haha.

well next week onwards will be more tiring i guess as it will be the combat phase in medic course. where i think most likely we will be doing lots of carrying of stratchers and casulty evacuations. but oh wells. looking forward to another short week next week. haha.

that aside...

now still struggling on wad i shld prepare to buy. a ps3 or a DSLR camera. and whether to get which camera phone. shld i get samsung innov 8 or wait for sony ericsson C905 to come to singapore. the main difference i find is the flash of the camera. decisions decisions decisions. haha

well shall stop here and continue to organize my stuffs.

- To you/yous: its not i do not want to meet up and all. my time is very tight recently and im do not have much free time to go out and all. and i do not have control of my time in actual fact. it maybe planned whn im suppose to book out. but anything can happen along the way of the week so i can nvr give a confirm decision if i will be free at a particular day. Further more, when i was asked to meet up i was in camp so u cant blame me for not meeting up and all. so if u will kindly understand the situation im in. thanks alot. time is really not on my side and esp my control now... -

Was a long week after so long as this week booked out on Sat. which is today. due to the need for me to retake my IPPT as i didnt achieve commando silver last time due to my standing board jump. Well didnt really sleep well last nite as i was sleeping on the floor and woke up nearly every hour. so didnt really had a full rest. but never the less i still manage to perform today during the test. gotta to say made an achievement as all my static stations improved esp for my standing board jump. from 232cm. i improved to 238cm. WOOT!
HOWEVER, my 2.4km run deproved like ard 40secs. haha. guess i have not been running for a long time. thus getting this result. haha. but all that said. i finally manage to achieve commando silver. AND this means no extra training for me. MEANS no burning away of my weekends. WOOT!
haha. that aside
Had 2 tests this week. anatomy and physiology test. and Automated External Defibillator (AED). Anatomy and physiology test was a killer for me as i could not remember all the things in the textbook. but never the less i manage to pass. haha. and passed the AED test too and manage to get another certificate for the use of AED. Those who donno wad is an AED. shall explain abit at the bottom along with a picture of how it looks like.

 

How an AED looks like

What is an AED?
ANS: An automated external defibrillator or AED is a portable electronic device that automatically diagnoses the potentially life threatening cardiac arrhythmias (abnormal electrical activity in the heart. The heart beat may be too fast or too slow, and may be regular or irregular) of ventricular fibrillation (a condition in which there is uncoordinated contraction of the cardiac muscle of the ventricles in the heart, making them tremble rather than contract properly) and ventricular tachycardia(fast heart rhythm that originates in one of the ventricles of the heart) in a patient,and is able to treat them through defibrillation, the application of electrical therapy which stops the arrhythmia, allowing the heart to reestablish an effective rhythm.

To sum everything up and to put things simple as it may seem too complex. The AED is used when a heart is pumping too fast or too slow to have blood circulations to the whole body, thus, electric current is sent to the heart to make it stop and is then restarted using CPR to help the patient or casulty to get back his/her normal heart beat so that blood can again be pumped to the whole body. hope this is simple enough. haha.

well. thats about all for this week. next week will have another 2 more tests on assessing a patient/casulty. However, im looking forward to next week as i will have an early book out next week. WOOT!

alright. shall stop here. time for me to rest my body...

[Edited as at 10 Oct 2008]

Juz did my first intravenous infusion. Was really a fun and interesting experience. Doing the thing on others is fun but is scary for the first time. But is not as hard as i think it will be. But being done on is abit pain well looking forward to the next time. For those who donno wad is Intravenous infusion. Is actually a generic term and it means to inject liquid into a body by using a tube inserted into the vain. and the simplest way i can put it is. the drips that is attached to a patient u all always see in hospital or drama shows. That the simplest way i can put it in. haha
well this week did 2 times successfully. and i still have to successfully do another 8 more times for me to pass my medic course. but overall is a nice experience on learning how to do such a thing.

next is i gotta study for my anatomy and physiology test. which basically tests on the human body parts ranging frm the skeltons to the internal organs and their functions. kinda scared of this test coz there are lots of things to remember, and memorising things is one of my weakest part in studying.

well for now i hope i can juz pass all the test with no stress or difficulty. haha

Oh man going to have my first test. Back to my poly time feeling when is exam period. Haha
Now trying to memorise everything i can since it will be both theory and practical test tml. Hope i can do well
Not been feeling well for past few days due to lack of rest. Been coughing non stop and having on and off headaches. And coughing and sneezing will trigger my headache. Feeling damn sucky. Hope wont affect my test much tml...