cold hearted

i do not know what am i...

went to visit my 2nd uncle who is now down with cancer. and has spreaded and his condition is getting worse. he does not ave the appitite to eat thus leading him to the lack of energy to walk or even get out of bed. all he wants is to sleep. i can see e lost lots of weight. his hands are all skinny. having see all this i do not feel anything inside of me. yes i know i am sad somewhere deep down inside my heart. but i do not feel any pain. i really wonder why.. am i really that cold hearted? i donno. i just dont feel a thing. nothing at all....
but i do hope he can be better somehow...

and today talking to her, i got to know some things going on. ok i know she is feeling moodless and all now. but seriously i really hope she can be able to hold on. cause i know she can break down easily and i have seen it before. i really do not wish for it to happen. cause the last time i saw her broke down and me looking in the webcam and unable to do anything really make me feel useless and hurts me alittle somehow. I now just hope and pray that whatever she said on MSN will never ever happen. because if that really happens i do not know what will happen to her thou she said she cant be bothered and will not affect her. but when it becomes reality everything will be different and will sure to hit her hard. which i do not know how will she handle it. but still i hope nothing will happen to her. please stay strong....
and again saying all this i do not feel any pains and everything. am i really this cold hearted?? i do not know myself anymore....

well i guess certain things are happening around me in my life... and i seem so useless and everything. now knowing everything. but unable to do anything...i donno anymore....i'm lost in a mixture of cross-roads and feelings...

-Why am i faking all these to myself... seriouly i think i....-